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I never thought how many angels could fit on the head of a needle that was important, but rather how one could fit in me.
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Words have power: A man who says he has no luck has just discovered the source of his unluckiness.
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If you want your business to be geriatric, take a bunch of little steps.
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People hate those who speak with their mouth full, but seem to love those who speak with their head empty.
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When you stare into a person’s eyes you can see they’re not whole.
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Those who worry about the number of angels on the head of a needle, should worry more about the one devil in their heart.
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If you speak non-sense, you are a mystic.
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Lazy people make crazy people. (regarding lazy coworkers)
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Speak only when chosen to.
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The worst thing a man can do is to say that which is better left unheard.
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I’ve watched nearly everyone I know die – that’s why I refuse to get to know myself.
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In the heat of the night people are actually coldest to each other.
Casual sex is mutually agreed upon abuse.
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A loss of love is like a loss of teeth, makes it hard to smile.
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Oscar Wilde said ‘Be yourself, everyone else is taken,’ but in your case, a better motto may be, ‘Do yourself, no one else wants to.’
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Sell your soul to God – He pays better.
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A joy that comes from nowhere will make you see joy everywhere.
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Nothing in this world is kept from the man who is ready to leave everything in this world.
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To master the universe, give up being a master as well as a slave of the universe.
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The light is the same at the end of the tunnel and at the front, why turn around and go back?
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A cat has nine lives -and not in one does it show any evolution of compassion.
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McCain didn’t run for office, he walked
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Mobster saying:
One man’s trunk is another man’s coffin
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If you don’t get it, then get.
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If you follow the thread of thought you will find a knot.
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I don’t need my enemies to burn in hell, but a nice dry mouth all the time – that’d make me pretty content.
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When it’s raining outside I prefer to stay inside and not take the chance of dancing.
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I am most scared a good haircut – then you gotta live up to it.
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I always read the sports section just in case something important happened in the world, you know?
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Everyone literally starts near a bottom.
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When it comes to public speaking, it is better to lie down and take it rather than stand up and give it.
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Having a kind thought is like having fresh flowers in the room you spend the most time in.
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A mental block often turns into a sprawling city of dumb.
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Memories are memories too.
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Sometimes a man drowns because he has no love to drown in.
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A naked woman can never be a shrink.
More PC: A beautiful woman can never be a shrink.
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A dog chases his tail, a human his tale.
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Mathematics presents numerous problems for me.
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A person who thinks life is meaningless has found the meaning of life
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Monogamy, it happens to the best of us.
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To borrow money is to lend yourself to stress.
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A good joke lasts longer if short.
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I have never seen anyone die from death – that’s too late. You can’t die from death.
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Happiness is the way to happiness.
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A good cynic doesn’t believe in goodness.
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Don’t fall into the trap of not building a trap.
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Christ saved men, Osiris did not.
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To get what you want, want only nothing.
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Many want a sound sleep, I prefer soundless.
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If you have lost your way, at least you have found that you are lost.
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If the weight of the world is on your shoulders, it’s because you have nothing solid to stand on.
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If you find yourself in the dark, to take yourself lightly.
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To carry a good attitude in the rain is more important than an umbrella.
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I could live forever, but the day to day really gets to you.
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Sleep: the one thing no man can do without save the jealous man.
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Manual labor is what keeps a man honest before the wages force him to cheat on his taxes.
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Dogs prove dirty and smelly are often the most worthy of loved.
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Vacations are usually ways to worry in the sun.
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Every man who works eight hours a day is either a fool or enjoys paying bills – I am neither, thus I work much longer hours.
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If you do not work, you are broke.
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Nice weather is a but a storm in denial – the world is forever wet and cold.
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For art’s sake, let us hope reincarnation is real – or the earth has lost a very good friend forever.
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Art today is said to be but ideas – we could just call them ass ideas.
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Tyranny is the highest form of government for people who think holy books are political manuals.
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The beauty of a person fades away in the instant they utter “I.”
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The death of an enemy is often the death of a meaning.
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Pick up where you left off – for starting over will lead back to where you left off.
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I always skip the basics of religion – to get the basics is to miss the essence.
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I can never talk of a good book enough – unless it’s a bad book.
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There is a lot to be said for being healthy – but only while one is sick.
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As an old man I plan to die of young age.
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The last thing some will ever do for fun is have it.
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Those who dig up dirt, dig their own grave.
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Feeling is to thinking as chocolate is to broccoli – this is why society is always on the cusp of ruin,
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A beautiful woman has a tough life – an ugly woman a tragic one.
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Europe is a continent enthralled with itself for not being America.
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A man desperate enough to kill, is one who may be excited enough to live.
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For me, a weekly paycheck is about as useful as a weekly bath – its effects last only about twenty four hours.
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If Shakespeare makes me feel inadequate as a writer, imagine what would an angel do for my sense of goodness!
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Love is the crucifixion of one’s nerves – on a daily basis.
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Enemies tell each other the truth, real friendships can only endure in the name of dishonesty.
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They say happiness is a lost art – but have you seen the condition of art lately? Maybe it absconded.
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The fall from grace can have no bottom. But one certainly can rise to the top and stop.
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Sports shows the potential grace of human beings and is also a good study in the origins of war.
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An ugly face is like a rotten child – no one really wants it but you have to accept it as God’s will.
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Life can be blissful – if you have found the trick to enjoying pain.
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Why is it that Adam was given dominion over all the animals but not the animal of himself?
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Odd thing, sex, the one thing that complicates life to unbearable dimensions, at once prevents our death.
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I must live as if it were the last thing I’d do before I die.
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For most of you, don’t be yourself, it is better to copy a working machine than love the clunker.
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My intents are always pure, then again so are my sins.
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All boring people are alike in one way, every way.
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Freud screws you one way or your mother.
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One should never feel either on balance or off balance at all times, one needs a balance of both.
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There is a time for all things – except exercise.
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Man #1: “You’re the only man I know who gets angry when made to laugh.”
#2: “If anything strikes me I strike back with equal and opposite force.”
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Artistic drives are like drives for sex – they arise quickly, create intense excitement, then leave one pondering if it was all worth it.
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For many there is something to be said for believing in nothing – for it’s the same as believing in themselves.
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As a comedian once said to me, “Being funny isn’t about being smart, it’s about being stupid at the right time.” To which I replied, “That wasn’t funny.”
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There is nothing wrong with having multiple women – if you know when to add and subtract.
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Conceptual art is the data entry of the art world.
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Saying, “I hope I die” is the best way to ensure a long life.
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Misery doesn’t love company, it is a company which services the needy.
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Bliss can be found in one thing and one thing only – existence. Sadly, so can torment.
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The job of a writer is to say in words what is usually private idiocy.
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The life of the writer is not isolation but rather insolvency.
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Social media is the devolution of the media and society – most combinations are as such.
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The anxiety of life is not time, but timelessness – the former we can fathom, the latter we cannot.
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I love living in the city; the wild life.